We can be happy if we choose to
June 26th, 2006 by Dave Cheong
Personal development is about understanding how our mind works, consciously controlling our thoughts and having good patterns. Developing an awareness of how our mind works can improve any and all aspects of our lives as well as our interactions with family and friends.
I’ve been interested in personal development for years - probably since I was a troubled adolescent. Our family moved to New Zealand when I was 11. In the beginning, things were difficult. Not only did we leave our close family and friends behind, we also had to deal with a different environment and foreign culture. I recall being only the second Chinese student in my school at the time! To cope with these changes, I devoured lots of self improvement, motivation and personal development books. One thing I learnt during this challenging time was the notion we can be happy if we choose to.
Try this. Imagine you are holding a lemon in your hand. Can you feel the smooth yet rough texture of the skin on your hands? Is the lemon cold to your touch? Take a moment to trace your eyes across the unique grooves on the surface. Now hold the lemon to your nose. Can you smell its freshness? Use a knife and visualise yourself cutting into the lemon. Can you see what’s happening? Squeeze the juices into your mouth. Can you taste the sourness around your tongue? Swirl the lemon juice around your mouth and slowly swallow it.
Are you salivating? I am! The reason for this is because our minds cannot tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. To our minds, the lemon was as real as a real lemon we had in our hands. This is pretty important - whatever our mind thinks, our body naturally responds.
Our mind and our body co-exist in a symbiotic relationship. Our body is essentially a mechanical tool for our mind. It feeds our mind with essential nutrients to survive and function. It carries our mind wherever it wishes to go. However, we exist in our mind. We can choose what we think about, how we feel and in what way to respond to things around us.
A child on a tree might think, “Whatever happens don’t fall”. Do you know what happens? He falls and breaks his arm. How many times have you thought, “Don’t forget the keys tomorrow” and then you promptly forget the keys the next day! There’s a reason for this. If we tell ourselves not to fall from the tree or not to forget the keys, at a subconscious level, that’s exactly what we’re thinking about. We are thinking about what would happen if we fell or forgot the keys because that’s what we have instructed our minds to think.
One philosophy I subscribe to completely is positive thinking. If you visualise a positive result, your mind and body naturally work together to make it happen. Instead of thinking about not falling or forgetting the keys, try “If I jump, I will catch that branch” or “I will have my keys with me because it’ll be in my purse”. Now, we’re focused on the positive results instead. By controlling our thoughts and what we think about, we can influence the outcome.
If we took this to the next level, you can see that by controlling our thoughts we can actually change our lives. I know people who sit and complain about their lives all the time. “I hate my job”, “Why am I fat and ugly?”, “If I won the lottery, I would…”, “My spouse treats me badly”, “I’m unhappy with…” etc. Sometimes it makes me angry to hear these things from people I care about. Mostly though, I feel sad.
Things aren’t going to get better if you just sit and complain about how unfair life is. If you are unhappy, focus on what would make you happy. Think about the positive outcomes. You have a choice. It all begins with a simple thought. If you believe you are overweight, think about how you can implement an exercise routine. If you hare unhappy with your job, think about how you can reskill yourself and change your vocation.
When good things happen to us, we feel happy. However, don’t rely on the randomness of good events to determine your happiness. Take control. Proactively put yourself in situations where you increase the frequency of good events. Do this by asking what would make you happy and what you need to do to ensure it happens.
I’m convinced that this “thought creates reality” mindset as Steve Pavlina describes it, is something worth exploring. In his post, he describes one way to really test if what we think about can really affect reality or not is to change our dominant thoughts. I’m determined to try this out and will post about some experiments I will conduct over the coming weeks.
If you take only one thing from this article, take this. You can change your life by choosing what you think. Your mind can influence how your body reacts. It cannot tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. If you focused on the positives, even if life isn’t going as you had planned, things will get better. At the very least, you will live a happier life.
Isn’t that better than the alternative?
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June 29th, 2006 at 9:20 am
abraham lincoln says
“it has been my observation that people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
July 3rd, 2006 at 5:10 pm
That’s a great quote - I shall remember this one. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
July 10th, 2006 at 4:30 am
The Personal Development Carnival - July 9, 2006
Wecome to the latest edition of the Personal Development Carnival!
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Jerry Lopper presents Ten Steps to an Easy Life posted at Purposeful Growth.
Paul at Paul’s Tips presents The number-one most important fact to understand if you want to g…
July 10th, 2006 at 1:10 pm
Excellent post! I have started playing with my beliefs as a result of Steve Pavlina’s writings as well.
Email me sometime. Maybe we can set up some sort of Reality-changing Mastermind group
Bill
July 10th, 2006 at 1:55 pm
Haha. Thanks for the comment Bill. I like the sound of this renegade Mastermind group. Let’s conquer the world one brain at a time.
July 11th, 2006 at 12:46 pm
The mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined? Surely tasting a real lemon is whole lot different than just imagine it. And if you never tasted a lemon before, can you imagine it?
I am a reckless driver. My mind never thinks about accident. Is that the reason I havn’t died yet?
Certainly I agree thinking positively is better than thinking negatively. But really, you don’t need rely on your powerful imagination to think positively. You hate your job? Me too. But by looking at my choices, I felt happy that my current job is much better than the worst I could get stuck in. And if you find a better choice that can stand up to your logical examination, go for it and feel even happier about it. Just thinking about liveing in Bill Gate’s shoe won’t give you richness, will it give you happiness. Rather, appreciate the fact your current employee keeps you on the payroll and enjoy the fact that you have the freedom to select any choices if that choice is better than the one you currently have chosen.
What many sad people missing is not the ability to imagine, but the ability to discover.
Actually, I seriously doubt that thinking beyond reality can really work. One’s mind works on all infomations — those received from reality world, and those concluded by your mind’s logic, and those that concluded with broken logic. It takes a great deal of effort to let the last one to overwhelm the other two.
August 3rd, 2006 at 8:39 am
I’m grateful I came across this uplifting post. I was feeling down all day but as I read through these vibrant words, I began to fill my mind with positivism. I began to visualize what I wanted out of life and motivated myself by realizing what was already great about it. Thanks for brightening me up.
Gerardo
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:12 am
Hi Gerardo,
I’m glad you have found the post helpful. I hope you sustain your newly renewed positivism about your life and what you want out of it.
dave
August 19th, 2006 at 3:25 pm
Dave, you might be interested in Dr. Seligman’s work on what he calls ‘authentic happiness.’ It seems to dovetail with what you’re saying here. Cheers.
August 19th, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Thanks for the recommendation. I will check it out.
dave
August 20th, 2006 at 2:06 am
Dave,
Thanks for this posting it was exactly what I needed to get my mind back on track.
I used to follow this train of thought as well but sadly I have fallen off it as of late. Some due to my own personal choices and the other by letting the negative vibes of those around me get to my attitude about things.
I will be checking in on your site often now that I have found it.
Thank you and keep up the positive vibe the world could use more of it.
Cheers,
Paul
August 20th, 2006 at 7:54 am
Hi Paul,
Thank you for your comment. I hope you are able to get back on the train to pursue your goals and happiness. Don’t let the negativity of those around you determine your attitude. If you believe in yourself, that’s all that matters.
Good luck!
dave
August 21st, 2006 at 10:42 pm
Dave,
I share with you this passion to confront the world with positive energy. You and your readers might be interested in the various and extensive scentific studies that show positive intentions as an important and necessary maker of experience.
I also share with you the journey into personal developent. The position that I have focued on is the effect positive intention can have on addicts. Our addictions in one way are those behaviors that our brains have become over dependent upon. The science of positive psychology and experience optimizing until now has not been used to affect the lives of addicts. People in the addiction therapy sector for the most part have used fear. The same fear that keep people from expressing their business ambitions or dreams.
If you haven’t had the opportunity you might take a look @ Dr. Marting E. P. Seligman’s site and book for Authentic Happiness or Richard Layard’s book Happiness: lessons from a New Science or even Peter Drucker’s site Quality of Life Institute.
Remember - you bring into your life what you call into it - Being Happy - is an intentional act.
August 22nd, 2006 at 6:03 am
I have not had any experience with using positive thinking to combat addiction and aid recovery.
However, I understand the power positive thinking can have in all things we do and so am able to see how important having the right mindset is. Part of the battle is already won by adopting the right mindset as the mind can influence how the body reacts (eg imagining the lemon).
I shall look into the references you have cited. For all the readers out there who are working their way back from addiction, I wish you all the best.
Persevere. Visualise your goal. When things are tough, think about how much you desire to quit and what it means to you.
Thank you Levy for your comment.
dave
August 23rd, 2006 at 6:12 pm
摘：We can be happy if we choose to
摘自：http://www.davecheong.com/2006/06/26/we-can-be-happy-if-we-choose-to/
Personal development is about understanding how our mind works, consciously controlling our thoughts and having good patterns. Developing an awareness of how our mind wo…
September 3rd, 2006 at 11:41 pm
my motto is to stay unreasonably optimistic no matter what my situation is. sometimes to a point thats plain silly, which is fun, and reminds me not to take msyelf too seriosuly.
Glad I stumbled on this blog
September 4th, 2006 at 8:20 am
Hi Hamish,
Thanks for dropping by and leaving a great comment.
I think there are people out there who take themselves way too seriously. My advice? They should relax. Chill out. Take is easy. Like you, I rather be optimistic and happy rather than pessimistic and miserable all the time…
Feel free to leave a comment any time.
dave
September 22nd, 2006 at 9:25 pm
My friends say that I always see the positive things of everything… they don’t get it how I can do it sometimes. But as I said in another blog, past year was a little harsh on me and lost all confidence and ‘happy-thoughts’ I could have.
I have to say that soooometime it will happen to any of us: that time in life when things collapse a little bit, out of the blue and at the same moment (combination of crash,death,supertense moments,aggresive fights, etc).
What helped me at the end was surrounding by people who made me laugh, who hughed me, who listened to me, and hold me, but not spoiled me.
Also getting busy, and trying to think positive, but being allowed to cry… no?
September 25th, 2006 at 9:26 am
Hi Maus,
I’m glad you feel this way. I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll mention it again: In life we cannot prevent bad things from happening. Sometimes, they just do, no matter how careful we are and how much planning we do. The best way to deal with bad things in life is to look at the positive side and consciously choose how you feel. Remember, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
dave
September 26th, 2006 at 6:08 am
I’ve been consciously working with thoughts/wording in relation to creating reality since 1993 when I first read _The Seth Material_ by Jane Roberts. I found ways to change my reality just by changing my perception (went from poor to rich that way).
This last year has been one of my roughest ever, and I couldn’t figure a way out of the depression that was bearing down on me from loosing my family. However, I did find that each day I need to create the intention that I desire. If I just wake up and go through the motions the result is depressing. However, If I create the intention to have fun, and follow my intuition from there, then I can find myself smiling again… every time!
Thank you for spreading such great wisdom. I hope more people learn about how incredibly important (and powerful) our thoughts really are. A quote my friends and I like to use a lot is, “Focus on what you desire and you will have it. Focus on what you do not want and you’ll get that too!”
September 26th, 2006 at 9:25 am
Hi Troy,
Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry to hear about your loss and I hope you find the way to remain positive. Keep on focusing on how you desire to feel and what you hope to achieve. Time will heal all wounds, so I’m hoping this will become easier for you.
Good luck!
dave
February 8th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
[…] New year’s resolutions are notorious for being unrealistic. A new year always come with an expectation that things will get better. Somehow, the slate feels clean each new year and we expect ourselves to become almost superhuman. All our obstacles will crumble before us. All our desires will be fulfilled. I’ve been an advocate of positive thinking before, but let’s be realistic. Unless you elevate your game to the next level, things won’t change significantly. […]
February 13th, 2007 at 7:03 am
Salam Dave,
Thank you for your encouraging post I enjoyed it..and hope that all can use it. The fact is, all we have created in this world (the bad and the good)were our or someone else’s mere thoughts to begin with.
Watch Out for your Thoughts, they turn to your Words.
Watch Out for your Words, they turn to your Actions.
Watch Out for your Actions, they turn to your Habits.
Watch out for your Habits, they turn to your Character.
Watch out for your Character, they turn to your Destiny.
February 13th, 2007 at 7:59 am
Hi laale_2lip,
Thank you for leaving an inspiring comment! I shall have to remember your words.
dave
February 19th, 2007 at 12:35 am
Not to be a party-pooper, but I question the conclusion to your article. Is it really better to focus on the positives so you can be happy about your life when it isn’t going well, or are you better off being angry/unhappy and fixing things?
If you can make yourself happy when things are bad, how real is that happiness?
Conversely, if you are truly happy when things are bad, why would you try to change anything?
In other words, does real happiness come from real-world, concrete things, or is it just a mood you can summon up regardless of circumstances (internal)?
February 19th, 2007 at 6:14 am
Hi bill,
Thanks for the great comment. You make a valid point and I acknowledge it. Positive thinking on its own isn’t going to solve your problems. For example, no amount of positive thinking is going to save you if you jump off a cliff.
However, I believe positive thinking and choosing to approach life from an optimistic view can have many advantageous. Instead of looking at the next “problem” as another obstacle to your goals, reframe it as a “challenge” to open up new opportunities.
Your view, opinion and emotions all contribute to how you approach life’s difficulties. In my experience, these affect the outcome.
The whole positive intention manifestation thing too always seem to appear magically. When you’re in the right frame of mind, things just present themselves.
dave
February 19th, 2007 at 6:28 am
[…] This is your life. Remember, you can be happy if you choose to and our limitations are mostly self imposed. If there is an aspect of your life which you are unhappy with, then you owe it to yourself to change and make a difference. Unless there are external factors involved, your life won’t get significantly better unless you do something about it. Take charge and be the master of your own destiny. Too stressful at work? Take on less responsibility. Delegate some tasks. Quit. Anything - just take action. […]
February 20th, 2007 at 3:57 am
Thank you for the great post. As a victim of a childhood abuse this is exactly what I`m trying to work on; to change my negative thinking patterns. This post encourages me on my path to recovery
February 20th, 2007 at 4:58 am
Hi Ilona,
I’m sorry to hear about your abuse as a child. Whilst, I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, I can only wish you all the best in your road to recovery.
Life is a journey to be enjoyed. Remember there is no past and no present. These concepts exist mainly in our heads. There is only the present. So enjoy the moment and leave the past where it belongs.
Good luck. Wishing you all the best.
dave
March 8th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
[…] Dave Cheong presents We can be happy if we choose to posted at David Cheong | Engineer to Entrepreneur. […]
June 19th, 2007 at 11:56 am
I think the formula is incomplete.
The path to success is knowing where your head is and knowing where your feet are. Happiness is knowing you are on the path.
April 10th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Hey, you do have a good site. I’m learning a lot by reading your posts. Thanks!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
wish everyone read here happy happy so much with anything in the world and wish anything good…… don’t be sad …….. love
August 9th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Very well written! I have a very stressful job and when things go right, I’m happy. When things don’t, I’ll admit, I allow those outside factors to influence my feelings. I would eventually like to be so outside influences to not affect my mood–that I’m happy because I CHOOSE to be. And instead of focusing on the negative, think of the positive. I have much more to learn. Thank you Dave!