8 simple things you can do to encourage others
July 12th, 2006 by Dave Cheong
These days, much of my free time is focused intently on either writing articles or investigating business opportunities. I can say I’ve mostly eliminated excessive time wasting activities like playing on the Xbox, watching TV and browsing Digg. I’m feeling more productive and I’m getting things done. Life is good!
However, as with anything worth accomplishing, I understand my transition to a full-time Entrepreneur will naturally take time and perseverance. Which is why I’d like to say thank you to my family and friends. They’ve been helping by providing encouragement especially during periods when I was feeling down and demotivated. In case you’re wondering, this happens every now and then, in particular when I’m trying to overcome my self imposed limitations. This writing gig is hard work!
Let me share with you a few techniques of encouraging others I have observed which works. I can pretty much vouch for each of these because they have been applied on me at one stage or another.
- Show genuine interest. I believe this is by far the most effective way of encouraging others. Let them know you care. Express genuine interest by asking questions. Get them talking. I find the act of talking and thinking can fire up the engines (roar!). With some hope and luck, this can lead to positive action. But don’t be fake about it and don’t go overboard.
- Acknowledge what’s important to them. When you acknowledge what’s important to others, you provide a form of affirmation and validation about who they are and what they’re doing. Whether they can admit it or not, each of them deep down craves this acknowledgement. The affirmation and validation is like nitro for their confidence and self-esteem.
- Say “Well done”. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. If it’s easy, then it’s not worth doing. Worthwhile things always takes time and effort. One good way of providing encouragement is simply by saying “Well done” or “Congratulations”. These magical Words of Encouragement at the right time can make all the difference between “keep going” and “give up”.
- Say “Thank you”. Common courtesy. Good manners. That what this tip is about. It’s only natural to expect a reward after hard work. It’s only natural to thank someone when they do something for you. You can start now. Thank your wife after she cooks a nice meal. Thank your friend for lending you that Stargate DVD. A simple thank you lets others know what they have done is worthwhile and meaningful to you.
- Reciprocate the favour. If someone does something nice for you, a great way to show your appreciation is simply to reciprocate the favour. Think of this as a pendulum. They do something nice for you. You do something nice for them. They do something nice for you. You do something nice for them. And so on…
- Respond with something unexpected. Another effective way to encourage others is to respond with something totally unexpected. Out of the blue. That’s when the maximum impact is delivered. Such acts can reach them at an emotional level and our brains are hard wired to respond to emotional things.
- Ask for advice or confide in them. This is like flattery. Haven’t you felt like you were on top of the world when your peers asked you for advice or confided in you about something personal or important to them? Didn’t that make you want to help and do everything you can to ensure their faith in you is well founded?
- Offer to lend a hand. Waiting for someone to ask you for advice is passive. You can be proactive by offering to lend a hand. If that person sees that you are willing to commit your own time and energy in their interests, they will be more committed to seeing it through and less likely to give up themselves.
In my experience, whenever my family and friends have shown genuine interest in my goals, I became more enthusiastic myself. Often my wife would ask - “How am I going?” or “What are you looking at now?” or “I like your latest article”. Simple words? Perhaps. But delivered at the right time, the effect is profound! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - enlist your family and friends in your cause.
Do you have a spouse or friend who is trying to accomplish something and you need to provide encouragement? Do you have a child who is thinking about a certain vocation but is unsure? Perhaps, your son or daughter would like to pursue a career in the arts, interior design or as a sports athlete? If you do, then they are going to need as much encouragement as they can get.
Giving encouragement can boost that person’s motivation, which in turn lead to actions and finally results. As I’ve previously written, personal development is about incremental changes and step by step improvements. Only in this manner can we inch closer to fulfilling greater and more ambitious goals.
So, start now. As a recipient of encouragement, I can attest to its effects. I’m feeling great. I’m feeling positive. I’m getting things done.
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Improve your life one step at a time
July 6th, 2006 by Dave Cheong
Personal development is hard work. If you have ever invested your time and energy towards improving yourself, you’d know that the road to being happier and more successful is not easy. Over the years, I have read many books and tried numerous techniques with varying results. The one constant thing I have observed when I have been successful in personal development is incremental change - the act of taking baby steps and building upon each victory one at a time.
I think deep down each of us has a desire to be better than we are. Maybe you wish you could be a more efficient worker, better husband, healthier etc. Some of you may even have read a few personal development books in the hope of learning secrets to be successful. For the others, this desire is just that - a wish that was never acted upon.
Perhaps you were too afraid to try. What if you failed? Perhaps you did try, but the techniques did not work or the results were disappointing. However, whatever your goal is and irrespective of whether you tried or not, the following universal truths apply:
1. Things worth attaining takes time
In this age with the Internet so easily accessible, we demand instant gratification. If we have a question, chances are we can Google it or search on Wikipedia for answers. If we need to purchase a book, Amazon is simply a click away.
However, I believe that all things worth attaining takes time.
Personal development is not something that can be rushed. After all, you are trying to change what’s core about you. Breaking bad habits and instigating good patterns is not an easy thing to do. Developing new fundamental character traits will take some time, lots of patience and hard work to succeed.
2. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear
The Chinese has a proverb. It goes “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. This is especially true for personal development. You may have read many books and even tried several techniques for a period of time, but if you were not ready for them, they won’t work for you.
For example, if you are not a disciplined person, then trying to wake up early and consistently isn’t going to be easy. The tips I’ve written about may help to an extent but if you cannot consistently adhere to the guidelines, chances are you won’t succeed.
I have personally rediscovered techniques, which did not work in the past, but do now. I believe they did not work before because I was not ready for them. Do not be discouraged. It is how the universe works. So as you become a more disciplined person or your perseverance improves, techniques which did not work before can suddenly produce spectacular results.
3. Build upon each success
Personal development is a journey. Each of us has a different journey. Our goals are different. Our backgrounds are different. The environment and circumstances surrounding our lives are different.
The thing about personal development is we build upon each success. Every victory lays the foundation for the next challenge. Along the same lines as the previous example, if your goal is to be an early riser, then discipline is a prerequisite. Set good goals that would develop this first, such as writing a journal to track the things you want to do, removing distractions or generally applying any of the other tips about how to stay focused.
4. Continual process of learning
You may have heard of Tony Robbins, David Allen and other personal development gurus. Sure they may seem to have their lives in order. One would also assume they apply productivity techniques and positive thinking on a constant basis.
However, they have spent years upon years of self reflection and perpetual learning to achieve their goals. Even so, they are continually learning, perfecting their techniques and improving their mental states all the time.
Do not expect to go from zero to hero in an instant. Take each challenge as a lesson, then build upon each lesson to constantly refine who you are, what you do and how you do it.
5. Don’t be discouraged with setbacks
When things go well, you feel happy. However, the flip side of this is when things don’t go well, you feel sad. The reality is you cannot win all the time. There will be occasions in which you just cannot accomplish a goal. Perhaps, you are too tired because of your work commitments. Perhaps, you are distracted by other things like planning a wedding. Perhaps, you are feeling down and cannot summon the motivation.
Whatever the reasons may be, do not be discouraged with setbacks. The most important thing to keep in mind is telling yourself you will try harder next time. So you’ve missed a morning by not rising early. Big deal, just try harder the next morning. Setbacks are ok, but continual setbacks are not. Do what you can to ensure you do not get trapped in a negative pattern or repeated setbacks.
6. Not all things work for everyone
I’ve always believed that each of us is inherently different. Some techniques may not work for you for various reasons. There are the reasons I’ve previously highlighted, such as not being ready for them or not having the prerequisites to ensure success.
Then there are other reasons, such as trying to apply techniques that just go against your nature or are not congruent with your goals. For example, if you are constrained by health issues, then perhaps stress is not something you wish to deal with. This may require you to live in a relatively stress free environment and being busy and constantly productive may not be the best thing for you health-wise.
The greatest thing about personal development is there isn’t a right way and a wrong way. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they’re lying to you. That’s a fact. Perhaps they want to sell more books? Perhaps they have found something that works for them? However, what works for them, may not necessarily work for you. Also, there are many ways to reach the same goals.
7. Celebrate your victories
Your mind is a complex but powerful tool. Motivation, which describes a genuine desire to accomplish something, can be fleeting and temporary. Use as many tools as you can to maintain it. When you lose your motivation, you lose your reason to try and overcome adversity. Remember that things worth attaining takes time, lots of patience and hard work.
Celebrate your victories whenever you can. I have found this to be one of the strongest techniques you can apply to maintain motivation. You are working hard for a reason. It is just human nature that we do difficult things only for a reason. So take moments even during the day to observe and enjoy the results of your hard work and use this as a platform to newer and more ambitious goals.
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