Embrace change, your life depends on it
May 25th, 2007 by Dave Cheong
Let me first start by warning you that this is a fairly long post. I suspect most people won’t make it to the end. However, if you are serious about being happy, I hope you can at least spend 5 mins reading what I have written.
It will change your life. I promise.
I have been an independent software contractor for several years, performing all sorts of IT development services for clients about town. The agency whom I have been representing at client sites is currently undergoing a major change - they have just been sold to a big consultancy.
Boom! Scary!
As a result of the merger, lots of change is happening. Some folks are questioning where things are headed, what management have planned, how their lives will change etc. Most certainly, there will be job losses as the two companies consolidate things, in particular administrative positions.
With the chaos that’s been unfolding, I’ve thought a bit about “change” in general. What is it? Why do people resist it? Is it always a good thing? What should I do?
With some reflection, I realised that with all inspiration, creation, thought and progress, some form of change must be a precursor. Things just don’t happen on their own. You know the old scientific principle of “energy cannot be created, only transformed”? Well, I think it applies here with change too. These things need to come from somewhere - they’re not born out of the ether. Synapses fired, decisions made and actions taken before change occurs.
In my case, someone must have decided that selling the company is something worth pursuing and that things shouldn’t keep ticking along they way they have been.
So from this respect, change is a good thing, without which there is no action or result.
In my readings, I came across the Satir Change Process model, named after Virginia Satir, an American author and psychotherapist. Her model is best represented in the diagram below which describe Performance fluctuations as a result of change.
The diagram depicts several stages of accepting change. The first stage is known as Status Quo (Gray Zone), a state where everyone is generally comfortable with the way things are. The second stage is a point in time a Foreign Element, trigger or change agent is introduced. What follows is a period of Resistance and Chaos (Red Zone), personified as a result of people being scared of the uncertainties the change has brought about and how their lives will be impacted.
The level of performance generally drops off and fluctuates more greatly between the Gray and Red Zones. There are various reasons for this - people may reject the change to protect the status quo; are confused with the change and are unsure of what to do; or simply become less competent with the new tools and processes introduced.
This describes why people by nature resist change. They don’t want to become less useful than they already are.
I see this every day. In my line of work as a software engineer, I work with tools and technology which change often. You may start on a project using a best-of-breed library, but by the time the project ends, chances are there’s a new version out or even a completely alternate way of doing things. Unless you keep abreast with changes, your skills can lose their edge, even become obsolete.
As a would-be entrepreneur, I too see this everywhere. Many new startups are created each day, but few survive. In order to survive, the entrepreneurs have to develop a business model that meets the market demands and deliver an economic return. To do so, they have to change and adapt as they learn and as opportunities arise.
Most people know this, yet change is often resisted. Why? The reason is simple really. Once someone has become comfortable with the way things work (Status Quo), they naturally find it hard to embrace something different (Foreign Element). Doing so, would mean they instantly become less competent, effective and efficient.
In today’s world and globalised marketplace, being less is scary. It’s drilled into us as children. We must be better than our peers. Faster. Higher. Stronger. Only by being more than the guy in the next cubicle can we get ahead in life.
This is why change is always scary. Yet, it is the Secret to Success.
Embrace change. Override your first instinctive reaction to run the other way. Adopt an open mind. Look at the change not as a threat to your current situation, but as an opportunity to learn and grow.
If the change is justified, well thought out and has the best of intentions, eventually your performance will improve. In the Satir Change Process model, this is classfied in two subsequent stages. The first being Integration and Practice (Yellow Zone), which occur once the chaos subsides. The second being the New Status Quo (Green Zone) in which the change is fully embraced, new processes become second nature and the benefits realised.
Writing a personal development blog has put me in touch with a lot of folks who ask for help in the form of emails and comments. I also strike up more interesting conversations with people I meet, either raised as a result of someone reading my articles or simply because I have this frame of mind.
Regardless, whenever someone asks me for advice on how to improve their present situation, invariably I always say to them the following:
If you want to be happy or your life to improve in one way or another, don’t expect things to radically change, unless you do something about it. If you keep doing things in the same way you have been doing, expect the same result. If you continue to cruise along the same highway, expect it to lead you exactly where it has always done.
To change your life for the better, you have to introduce a Foreign Element, trigger or change agent. Shake things up. Do things differently. Adopt an improved mindset. Be a different person.
Your life depends on it.
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Fight Procrastination!
May 23rd, 2007 by Dave Cheong
I’ve often thought about why we Procrastinate. If one was logical, one would assume if there’s something that needed to be done and was Urgent/Important or rewarding enough, we’d get on to it right away.
Here’s what it would look like on a diagram:
The reality however is people are seldom logical. As humans we’re governed partly by our intelligent mind and partly by our feelings and desires. Maybe we’re avoiding a task because we have a low sense of worth or a self-defeating mentality. Maybe we’re avoiding a task because it’s small, petty and annoying (not worth doing). Maybe we’re avoiding a task because it’s too big and we don’t know where to begin (too hard).
Here’s what this would look like on a diagram:
Whatever the actual reasons are, generally when the Pain associated with doing a particular task increases, so too does the level of Procrastination. That’s just human nature - we run away from things which cause us pain.
Let’s consider a couple of typical examples.
- Doing the school report: I’d have to do some research at the library and online. I’m going to have to read lots and take notes. After all that, I’d have to compile the data and write the actual report.
- Going for a 5km run: I’d have to wake up earlier than I normally would. It’d be freezing cold in the morning. I’d have to go to bed earlier. Then there’s the actual run itself - painful and exhausting.
I’m sure you can think of better things to do than that school report or 5km run. It wouldn’t be hard. Let’s see, how about sitting in front of the TV and watching the latest episode of Heroes or Desperate Housewives? Or, calling Jane, your best friend whom you haven’t spoken to for a month? Maybe, you could be making a nice ham and cheese sandwich instead since you had a small lunch?
The good news is Procrastination is a function of both Pain and Payoff. In reality, the relationship is more like so:
As before, Procrastination increases along with Pain.
However, this tapers off as things become more urgent and important. For instance, looming deadlines can kick start us into action this instant! That report is due tomorrow, so we’d better get cracking now. There’s only two more months to the wedding, we’d better start getting up early for a run.
The Payoff also seems more real and tangible. Doing that report 3 weeks in advance has no perceivable increase in Payoff compared to doing it 2 weeks in advance. However, if the report was due tomorrow, the Payoff of doing versus not-doing the report is now very significant. It could be the difference between a pass or fail. Again, similarly with the run. Wedding photos don’t lie so if we didn’t want to look fat, we better start losing the weight now or there won’t be enough time.
So given this information, what can we do to combat Procrastination?
Stop for a moment and think of a particular task you’ve been avoiding. Why have you been putting it off? Is it because of the amount of effort involved? Is it because you don’t have enough time? Is it because you don’t know how to begin? Whatever the reasons, consider the following tips:
- Experience Quantification: Use the Experience Quantification technique to increase the attractiveness of a task by either downgrading the associated Pain or boosting the associated Payoff.
- Set aside some time: Use time boxes, schedule them in your calendar and when the time comes stick to the plan.
- Develop some positive patterns and habits: Get into the habit of doing things and working around good patterns. You’re more likely to keep at things when they become second nature.
- Look at alternate ways of doing things: Don’t just assume every problem is a nail if you have a hammer. Try to look for alternative approaches which may simplify things.
- Pace yourself: Don’t go our strong only to burn out before you get to the finish line. Pace yourself. Break the problem down into smaller chunks and tackle each in turn. You may also apply other great problem solving nuggets.
- Stay motivated: Big and important tasks often require hard work and dedication. Often it’s not a sprint but more of a marathon. Keep yourself motivated with appropriate rewards at key milestones and work within the 10R Success framework.
- Do it now: Don’t let the Broken Windows Theory eventuate. Take on problems early and often, before they get too big and too hard to overcome.
I believe there is a threshold associated with Procrastination. This action/inaction boundary is determined by both Pain and Payoff. These simple tips are all designed to either reduce the Pain associated with a given task or increase the Payoff.
Good luck in your fight against Procrastination!
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15 Tips to Cope with a Demanding Life
February 19th, 2007 by Dave Cheong
Six months or so ago, my life turned a corner. Here I was thinking I’m a busy person, but with the birth of my baby daughter, life is suddenly a whole different ball game.
Not only am I completely time starved, I find it is also difficult to plan around the unpredictable behaviour of a baby - when she screams you just have to drop everything instantly!
This begs the question - How can we cope with a demanding life?
Here’s my list of 15 tips.
1. Reflect on what’s important
I find we are taking on more than our parents ever did. We’re just having busier lives. In today’s world, between working, socialising, exercising and parenting, where’s the time for relaxation? For many of us, I suspect we’ve operated in auto-pilot for so long, we don’t even know if what we’re doing is congruent to our values and goals in life. My advice is to take some time and reflect on what’s truly important in your life then structure your schedule accordingly so you can focus on the right things.
2. Be the master of your own destiny
This is your life. Remember, you can be happy if you choose to and our limitations are mostly self imposed. If there is an aspect of your life which you are unhappy with, then you owe it to yourself to change and make a difference. Unless there are external factors involved, your life won’t get significantly better unless you do something about it. Take charge and be the master of your own destiny. Too stressful at work? Take on less responsibility. Delegate some tasks. Quit. Anything - just take action.
3. Simplify where possible
Human needs are fundamentally basic. From a physical perspective, all we need is food, clothing and shelter. Our emotional needs are more complex, but as long as we’re happy, everything else is just bonus. Take a moment to look at your life, what you have and what you do. You might find that maybe there are aspects to your life and routine which add to your stress but aren’t really essential to your well being. Eliminate these where possible.
4. Learn to cope with stress
Sometimes, things can’t be further simplified. Instead of making our lives less stressful, we can improve our stress coping abilities. Some people read a novel or practice yoga, whilst others spend hours at the golf course or take time out to go on holidays and recharge. Whatever suits your fancy, but do spend the time to de-stress. It is not healthy to operate constantly under high levels of stress.
5. Talk to yourself
Talking to yourself is a powerful tool everyone should have in their personal development arsenal. I find it is useful for so many things and in all sorts of situations. When I’m faced with a stressful situation, talking to myself gets me calm so I can focus on the task at hand. When I’m unsure of what to do, I reflect on what it is I’m trying to accomplish and walk myself through the steps to get things done. When I’m distracted, talking to myself allows me to regain focus and apply the Diminishing Distractions technique. What you do and how you react, is determined by what you say to yourself. So make a habit to say the right things, to help ensure the right results.
6. Talk to others
When life feels too demanding and stressful, find someone you can confide in. Talk about your fears and problems. Don’t keep things bottled up inside. It’s easier to let steam out a little at a time than to wait until the pressure is so strong that you explode! Remember, you don’t have to live life alone. Talk to others - family or friends - and get their emotional support. Not only can they be a good sounding board, but you might find they can offer solutions to your troubles which you haven’t thought of before.
7. Leave work at work
Many people I know don’t stop working when work stops. They take work home or work overtime and get home late. I find one of the most useful tools one can have to cope with a demanding lifestyle is having boundaries. Leave work at work. Make sure the planning provides sufficient time to get things done without breaking your back. It’s ok once in awhile to bring work home, but don’t do it consistently. Learn to draw boundaries and allocate suitable time boxes to spend on things. This applies to everything and not just work.
8. Remove the clutter
I happen to like working with a clean desk and spacious surroundings. I feel less cramped and my brain has room for creative freedom. Not everyone works the same way of course. I have friends whose desks are literally filled with so much paper, you can’t even see the colour of the wood underneath. However, if you have an overly demanding lifestyle, try to remove the clutter. Make sure things are filed in the appropriate places, so that when you’re working on one thing you only have the material related to what you’re working on within arm’s reach. Everything else is a distraction and shouldn’t be easily accessible until you’re ready to work on them. If you work in a chaotic environment, you’re going to live a chaotic life. So clean things up. Get organised.
9. Write things down
If you’re a follower of David Allen’s Getting Things Done methodology, you’d know the importance of writing things down. He believes that if you have too many things in your head, you’d inevitable forget something and they don’t get done. I echo the same sentiments with the addition that if you have too many things in your head, your stress levels tend to be higher. For example, imagine you’re at work and you’re trying not to forget to call the plumber to fix the leaks at home. Or when you’re at the park playing with your children and you’re thinking about the big meeting on Monday. Life feels a lot more complicated, doesn’t it? So, if you haven’t got a task list, start making one. Write things down and free your brain to concentrate on the tasks at hand.
10. Finish things off
Whether you’re a busy professional, a college student or stay at home parent, at any one time you probably juggle several things simultaneously. Whilst multi-tasking is a good skill to have, try not to handle too many things at the same time. Instead, make a point to finish things off. I find that whenever I have unfinished tasks, part of my brain is always working on them, even though it may only be at the sub-conscious level. You may not realise it, but these unfinished tasks contribute to your resting stress level. So try to get things done and closed off, instead of leaving them partially done and occupying precious brain cycles.
11. Learn to say ‘No’
If you find yourself being overwhelmed with the pressures of your current commitments, learn to say ‘No’ to new commitments. Saying ‘No’ isn’t an admission of weakness or reflection on your ability to cope with the pressures of life. It just means, that for now, you don’t have sufficient bandwidth to take on new things. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s better to give your existing commitments the time they deserve and do a proper job rather than take on too much and do things poorly.
12. Ask for help if you need it
The smartest thing you can do when you feel like you’re overwhelmed and can’t fulfill your commitments is to ask for help. Many people are afraid to ask for help. To them, asking for help is a sign of failure or inability to get things done. To me it is the complete opposite. Asking for help shows maturity and highlights a person’s desire to do a good job. I’d rather work with someone who knows when to ask for help, than someone who works crazily, to the detriment of the project and their health.
13. Accept that life is a series of ups and downs
I don’t know what the proper name for it is, but there are people who observe their health on a daily basis. Every time something unusual happens, they think it’s a terminal medical condition! Similarly, I find there are people who take life just a bit too seriously and are adversely affected emotionally whenever something bad happens. My advice is to take life a little less seriously. There will always be ups and downs. Don’t get too stressed out. This is just life.
14. Adopt a positive outlook and approach to life
It won’t change the reality of your present situation, but it will change your perception of it. You can choose to either look at the obstacles life presents as problems or you can look at them as opportunities. Though it won’t relieve you from your daily pressures, adopting a positive outlook will affect how you approach life’s challenges for positive gain. Remember that life is a journey to be enjoyed. Start now and change the way you look at life.
15. Have faith in yourself
The last tip I have to help with coping with a demanding life is to have faith in yourself. I’ve always believed that the human spirit is our greatest strength. Only when faced with the most difficult situations, challenges and danger do we learn and grow. Believe in yourself! Persevere. If life is tough, then be tougher. You’d be surprised by how amazing you can be if you give yourself a chance.
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